


Discovery

by AutisticWriter



Series: Autistic Headcanons [139]
Category: Flight of the Conchords - All Media Types
Genre: Ableism, Ableist Language, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Murray Hewitt, Bullying, Crying, Dyspraxia, Echolalia, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Meltdown, Past Abuse, Poetry, Self-Discovery, Self-Harm, Slurs, Social Issues, Stimming, autism acceptance month, sensory issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 07:05:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14255580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: Murray Hewitt is autistic. But there’s nothing wrong with that.





	Discovery

Murray lives a life of routine.  
He calls role in every band meeting:  
Bret?  
Present.  
Jermaine?  
Present.  
And Murray?  
Present.  
It’s always only him, Bret and Jermaine, but he needs to do it.  
It’s a social script.  
He needs social scripts. Echolalia (echolalia, echolalia, echolalia...) and scripts make conversation possible.

Speech isn’t easy for Murray.  
He hates meetings at work, sitting around a table  
and having to talk to his colleagues.  
He uses a few short scripts and starts to echo past conversations  
(it turns out that some of the things the band say in meetings can make useful echolalia)  
and manages to get through it.  
Everyone thinks he’s a bit odd, but Murray is used to it.

Every day, he takes the elevator  
— he would talk the stairs but he’s clumsy and trips a lot –  
and he hopes no one joins him.  
But they inevitably do, and then the small talk begins.  
Murray laughs awkwardly and wrings his hands.  
The man is tall and his loud voice hurts Murray’s sensitive ears.  
“Nice weather today, eh?” the man says, laughing.  
Murray smiles – but he isn’t happy. It’s polite to smile.  
He stands there, wringing his hands – and then he blurts  
“Yeah, makes a flipping change!”  
Which is something Bret said last week.  
The man smiles and then the elevator doors open.  
Another painfully difficult social encounter completed.

He wrings his hands.  
He wrings his hands.  
He wrings his hands.

He has a draw full of pencils in his office (and in his study at home).  
His pencils are always yellow – it’s his favourite colour.  
They just seem wrong when they’re not yellow.

Shelley comes and goes.  
She says Murray is difficult to live with.  
But he doesn’t mean to be.  
He loves her so much  
(but he doesn’t know if his love is requited)  
and it’s always so painful when she leaves him.  
The sudden change hits him hard and  
Murray cries.  
Every time, he moves in with the band.  
They say they don’t mind, but he knows they do.

Sometimes, things get too much for him…  
Stress builds up inside of him, making his head throb and his skin prickle and his heart beat too fast.  
And he melts down.  
Hands smash against his head.  
Fingernails tear his skin.  
Curls up in a ball and sobs like a baby.  
When it is over, bruises pattern his skin and there’s blood under his fingernails.  
He cries, so sore and achy.  
He feels so weak and pathetic.

Murray likes making lists and charts.  
People say it’s  
lame  
boring  
pathetic  
But he doesn’t care.  
He enjoys it.

Murray has a single friend:  
Jim.  
Jim loves his quirks and never tries to change Murray.  
They hang out and have such fun and  
he’s never happier than when he is with Jim.

His whole life, Murray is considered  
weird  
special  
even retarded – that one was the favourite of the bullies who made his teenage years a misery.

But when he is 35, everything changes.  
Because Jermaine mentions his niece back in New Zealand –  
and she is autistic. And then Murray is enquiring and Jermaine lists the traits and they stare at each other  
(but no eye contact; Murray just cannot make eye contact – it hurts his head so badly)  
and they both realise the obvious.  
Murray has so many of these traits:  
* Problems with eye contact  
* Sensory issues  
* Comorbid dyspraxia (AKA the reason why he is so clumsy)  
* Stimming (so his wringing hands and sliding pencils between his fingers and bouncing his legs under the table)  
* And lots more.

Murray is autistic!  
It makes so much sense.  
There is a reason why he is like this.  
And he isn’t broken.  
He’s just different.  
And he is finally starting to like himself.

Murray Hewitt is autistic.  
And that is how he is meant to be.


End file.
